Spirit Stirring in the Wee Hours

 I am bleary-eyed and needing a cup of tea at 1:30 a.m. on Sunday morning. I'm normally in bed by 9:30 p.m. with lights out by 10:00 but I couldn't sleep - again. This is getting to be a Saturday night habit. The past three weekends I've been lying wide awake, sensing an urge to get out of bed,  listen to my spirit or write.

Tonight I was thinking about joy and laughter and their effect on our bodies. This led me to thoughts of starting a ladies Bible study. Go figure? Other than a small gathering with a couple friends, it's been a few years since I led a Bible study.

I slipped out of bed and opened the small tote where I'd tucked materials for future studies. Most of them were Beth Moore, whom I love. At the very bottom of the tote was a box with study materials of Jennie Allen's "Restless." I gathered all of them and quietly settled in my chair before the television. I watched Jennie first, then moved on to Beth. After two sessions with Beth and a few You Tube videos, I kept returning to Jennie Allen. I wasn't crazy over the study guide so I searched on my shelf for the book. My bookmark was still stuck in a halfway point. As I read over the pages, I could sense the Spirit of God pulling me in.

I could use the book, the cards from the kit and a few videos. It would be a lot of work to keep it to seven weeks. This is not in my plan. My intention for the next few months was to focus on my writing. No, this does not fit the script. Yet, here I am at 1:42 a.m. praying
 "Lord, I need confirmation for this one."

He knows how easily I am sidetracked by certain things. Is this just me wanting to return to familiar? Yet, this isn't familiar. Beth Moore would be familiar and she would do the teaching. Lord, you know all things. Lead me.

My word for this year is "unscripted." My IF:Gathering word is "rest. "

I will wait and watch to see what the Lord will say. For now I am simply going to bed.

Holding Up the World

Five hours separate me from my brother. Five hours and years of sparse communication. He's not a big talker and we were never close, but I love him and he loves me. Love bridges the gap in our conversations but there are five hours of travel to think about. I'm talking about traveling the state of Maine in January. Snowstorm today and tomorrow diving to record low temps and another snowstorm on Monday. Tuesday the high is -5 degrees. It's difficult to leave the house and fires unattended on a day like that. Then there's the little detail that I have been sick for the entire month.

My brother will undergo open heart surgery on Tuesday, with high risk because he also has muscular dystrophy. He lives alone and is fiercely independent but this challenge is big, even for him.

This morning, before I knew for certain about the surgery, I took five minutes to look at my collage journal. I hadn't reached for Liz's poetry book in some time. As I picked it up and flipped through, I noticed a small piece of paper tucked inside. She must have placed it between the pages before sending it my way. I pulled it out and read, "you don't have to hold up the world today." Immediately I glued it on the picture in my journal of the woman holding up the world.

After receiving the call from mom about my brother this afternoon, worry kicked in. What about his apartment and bills to be paid and food left in the fridge and ...

"You don't have to hold up the world today."

A familiar whisper skimmed across my thoughts.

You can trust Me to care for him.

Snow is gently falling outside. Tomorrow the wind will turn beauty into blizzard-like conditions once again. 

 God who holds serenity of today is shelter in the storms of tomorrow.

My shoulders feel weight shift.

 Let me let go. 

 When talking to my brother last night, he made a statement that has stayed with me.

"God's will be done."

I'm a more specific kinda gal - wanting to cover all my bases kind of pray-er. But lately God is drawing me into a new season, a place of rest and trust. Unscripted prayers will carry my heart and cover the distance of miles and obstacles.

I'm grateful that my brother has returned to the faith of his teen years and uttered those words. I can think of no better ones in this moment.

Un-Polished

Below zero temperatures have given way to  a forty degree rainy day in northern Maine. My normal routine on Monday was altered with a text from Kate canceling my usual session at the gym. We've been focusing mainly on stretching and getting blood flow to an injured shoulder. I welcomed the cancellation as I lay in bed listening to the rain pouring from the eaves.

Cup of tea ginger-peach tea in hand, I settled into my green chair with my Bible and journal and scripture memory book. A quiet Presence settled over me as I revisited promises for my family and prayed new prayers. Drawn to my visual journal I worked for an hour without interruption. 

When I look at the finished pages, I'm tempted to feel like I wasted time. Compared to art journaling or photography or my neglected writing project, the work is unpolished. Nevertheless, a sense of release accompanies the process.

The opened book lies on my art table where I can see it several times a day. 

As I type this post, I am reminded of my word - UNSCRIPTED. 

Lines Falling in Fresh Places

Snow is softly falling on this quiet Sunday morning. I have been up since 5:30, which is unusual for me on the weekend.  For the first time since Christmas morning, I awoke looking forward to my day. I must be feeling better. The virus I contracted a week ago had knocked me off my feet.

unscripted

I am writing about my OLW again today but this time as my first post over on Fearless Lines. I have joined a collaboration of creative, courageous women where once a week I will share a piece of my story. I am excited and I must admit to a bit of nerves in joining this talented group of younger women.

Sometimes it takes a simple change to spark fresh life. After writing my post,  I turn on the red tea kettle to boil and place last night's supper dishes in the dishpan with fresh sudsy water. Then I begin preparations for a crockpot soup we will enjoy later. All the while I am facing my kitchen window, watching the snow fall.

Suddenly an urge to go outside with my camera takes hold on me. Why not? I pull my old brown boots over my pajamas and bundle quickly into warm coat and hat. Leaving my gloves behind for the sake of taking photos, I slip out into the powdery snow.

There's nothing out of the ordinary to photograph so I focus on the ordinary - my house that I love, the twinkle lights still sparkling in the gray of morning, snow on my boots, clothesline still holding  summer pins.

It's all so beautiful today.

Gratitude fills me for these moments. It is the commonplace that one misses when life goes off kilter. Indistinct at the time, but precious in retrospect. 

Today my treasures glimmer. 

One of my favorite quotes is by T.S. Eliot. 

"We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."

I am knowing this place for the first time in 2015 and can't help but wonder what lies ahead.