Surrendering Every Moment

God does great things with surrendered people. And surrender happens every day in one thousand small moments. ~Jennie Allen, "Restless"

Those words stuck in my mind like velcro. I felt like one of those small bouncy balls, here I go, there I go. Bounce, bounce, bounce. By Thursday, frustration was getting the best of me. Then I remembered Jennie's quote and I surrendered. I surrendered via pen to page in my journal, giving God every past moment of three days focused on interruptions and shortfalls. 

The simple movement of faith shifted me in the direction of gratitude. What were the positives of my week thus far? 

*my workout with Kate on Monday * last meeting completing six weeks of Bible study as a teacher and host *praying while doing stretching exercises *blogging linkup with COMPEL *encouraging a friend *writing even when I didn't reach my goal *creating a Facebook group for my study circle * reading Lynn Austin's "Keeper of the Covenant," which is worthy of a post in itself *telephone chat with my oldest granddaughter, always a joy!

The following three days presented their own difficulties. Hubby and I needed to open our camper because our next two weekends already bore heavy schedules. This meant traveling three hours one way, lots of packing, cleaning, lugging etc. An allergic food reaction of some sort slammed my body. This together with my allergy problems in our camper made every task feel like slogging through thick mud. 

In the midst of my swampy thoughts and physical predicament, my littlest granddaughter came to visit.  We decided to take a walk while Grampy washed the camper, keeping her little fingers off the hose. Lily's focused delight  captured my full attention, as she picked handfuls of tiny flowers to put in her wagon. 

Our lives are made up of thousands of moments each day, waiting to be fully experienced with all of our senses.

As a young mother, I lost memories in the making to busyness and perfectionism, things that didn't matter. Spring and fall cleaning in themselves took weeks to complete.Women prided themselves in the completion of endless tasks during these seasons. Every wall must be washed down, floors spit-shined, each piece of furniture perfectly polished, curtains sparkling white. Who even does this anymore? 

I surrender those thousands of moments over and over to God, begging his help to smell, taste, touch, hear and see his presence in my present life.

Slowly, I bend over, grabbing a handful of flowers spread before my feet rather than trampling them without a glance as I steamroll through preconceived plans and fading competitions.

My holy pause makes space for the greatness of God.

Spirit Stirring in the Wee Hours

 I am bleary-eyed and needing a cup of tea at 1:30 a.m. on Sunday morning. I'm normally in bed by 9:30 p.m. with lights out by 10:00 but I couldn't sleep - again. This is getting to be a Saturday night habit. The past three weekends I've been lying wide awake, sensing an urge to get out of bed,  listen to my spirit or write.

Tonight I was thinking about joy and laughter and their effect on our bodies. This led me to thoughts of starting a ladies Bible study. Go figure? Other than a small gathering with a couple friends, it's been a few years since I led a Bible study.

I slipped out of bed and opened the small tote where I'd tucked materials for future studies. Most of them were Beth Moore, whom I love. At the very bottom of the tote was a box with study materials of Jennie Allen's "Restless." I gathered all of them and quietly settled in my chair before the television. I watched Jennie first, then moved on to Beth. After two sessions with Beth and a few You Tube videos, I kept returning to Jennie Allen. I wasn't crazy over the study guide so I searched on my shelf for the book. My bookmark was still stuck in a halfway point. As I read over the pages, I could sense the Spirit of God pulling me in.

I could use the book, the cards from the kit and a few videos. It would be a lot of work to keep it to seven weeks. This is not in my plan. My intention for the next few months was to focus on my writing. No, this does not fit the script. Yet, here I am at 1:42 a.m. praying
 "Lord, I need confirmation for this one."

He knows how easily I am sidetracked by certain things. Is this just me wanting to return to familiar? Yet, this isn't familiar. Beth Moore would be familiar and she would do the teaching. Lord, you know all things. Lead me.

My word for this year is "unscripted." My IF:Gathering word is "rest. "

I will wait and watch to see what the Lord will say. For now I am simply going to bed.

The Answer may be in a Seed

My morning quiet times have been just that. 

Quiet. 

It's as though my thoughts are my prayers. 

I struggle to find  powerful words to penetrate circumstances and bring a miracle. I feel like I am coming up empty.

Jennie Allen said something today about Joseph in Genesis. You can watch the clip over on If:Equip.

She said that there was a steadiness to Joseph's life, not because it was a good life, but because he hoped in God.

How many times do I look for the steadiness in my circumstances, for choppy waves to calm a bit, only to be disappointed? It's when my perspective shifts and I take hope, that God is able to give me grace and strength and wisdom.

I wonder how long it took Joseph to shift perspective? He lived through incredible loss, betrayal, waiting, prison, promotion and loss again before he was able to see circumstances shift in his life. Even then he carried grief with him over the way he longed for things to be.

And if he had been a woman and a mother, would it have taken longer?

I think of another message I heard recently by Bill Johnson. (You can listen on the iBethel app- "The Unusual Victory.) Toward the end of his message, Bill made a statement that has stayed with me. 

"Often God will give his answers in the form of a seed." 

God is about process, journey, trust. Bravery in the face of fears. Sowing the small seed, which is in my hand, because it's all that I have.

My daughter wrote a post at the end of last year that has lingered in my heart. It was brave and honest and vulnerable. She called it Weathered Stripes.  She shares how her daughter with autism teaches her to be brave every day. She shares her fears, her struggles, a piece of her story.

My story intersects with hers. We are mother and daughter and granddaughter. Our lives are intertwined. 

There is another whose story is being written. God holds the scripts to our lives in his huge hands with his even bigger heart overflowing love and grace in His story toward us. 

This was Joseph's hope. This is mine.

I stand on tiptoe in prayer today, stretching my faltering faith to catch a glimpse beyond the fence of human ways of thinking. To witness the glory of God here on earth, hidden for our discovery and delight. Seldom does He appear the way we think, but always in love and restoration and season.

My prayer is for eyes to see You today Lord. Or at least to see the seed in my hand.