I See Colors!

My Writer's Notebooks & Fun Stuff

 I existed for years on a path parallel to my authentic life. Close but not close enough. I stumbled over questions like "What is your favorite color or what color are your eyes?" Seriously! Check out this post from 2009 in my old blog. I can't imagine it either!

I know who I am now and I'm not trying to be someone different. What a journey this has been!

 I am living more purposefully. I recently made a  commitment to two writer's classes, pressing me to devote time to writing each day. I am not shoving writing to the back burner anymore thinking it can wait because it's not urgent. Writing is important to me so there is value in the time I spend in the practice. 

I am living intentionally. This winter I weeded out old stuff from my house, things I don't love or use anymore. I only buy what I love now and of course, books, books, and books!

My OLW for 2015 is "unscripted." Since letting go of the scripts in my head, my life has become more focused. Focused, not inflexible. As I grow in this surprising grace, guilt unclenches it's grasp from my mind and heart. 

I am more often choosing joy, spending less time in worry. (I haven't mastered this but I'm learning.)

And my eyes are still blue! 

What is Negotiable?

"Write it down, make it happen" is the title of a book and a principle that has worked for me. Getting back to writing morning pages reconnected me with this practice. On Monday morning I wrote two lists in my journal. The first was a list of things I'd like to accomplish this month, the other list narrowed it down to the week ahead. Today I checked off every single item I'd written down for the week. 

Here's the good part - I didn't strive to make it happen. I wrote it down, prayed over my week, checked the list twice throughout and kept moving. I completed my final goal last night as I tied the last blanket I was making. I snapped a few selfies for Water Your Mama Soul and spent time working my way through COMPEL 201. I even managed to squeeze in times of rest.

Admittedly, the week wasn't without its challenges. I am still fighting this cold thing, mainly in my ears and head. Last week I had planned to take my mom to Portland to stay with my brother who recently had open heart surgery. I cancelled due to the week's adventures so the expectation was that I would take her down this week. We are talking about a five hour drive one way. I knew I wasn't up to it but I struggled with the decision to tell mom no. I wavered back and forth. Was this a negotiable? 

Right in the middle of my quandary, a friend of mine called and graciously offered to take mom next Friday. I was beyond grateful but the experience got me to thinking about what is negotiable and what is nonnegotiable. Next week I begin a month of a serious writing course along with COMPEL.  

Discerning what I can say no to and having the courage to say it are key for me this month. 

I made a financial commitment to this course so that it would force me to live more purposefully where it concerns writing. For years I've placed my writing dreams on the back burner. Now is the time to move them forward. 

How do you decide between negotiable and non-negotiables in your daily life? I will be pondering and journaling more on this topic. Let me know what you think.

Begin Again

Tuesday afternoon I set an intention. 

Focus on my writing. 

I want this intention to stick and become a weekly ritual.

I pulled several books from my shelf on writing and read a bit in each. In response, I picked up my pen and began to free write. As the words flowed onto the page, my fears surfaced with clarity.

What if I'm not a writer?

What if I begin again and life happens with its detours and interruptions?

Am I wasting valuable time?

As long as I can recall, I've wanted to write. In one form or another I did. I kept journals year after year. I blogged faithfully - well almost. I joined a writer's group until it disbanded.

Over a year ago, I began to write a book. Then life happened and I placed it aside. The longer I ignored my book, more doubts grew.

On Tuesday afternoon, I wrote through the fear and set my intentions. An idea had been lingering in my thoughts for a couple of months - to join the Compel Training for writers. I went to the site, looked over the benefits and expectations and promptly joined up. Then I watched a couple of their videos.

Finally I dug out my fifty type-written pages and began to read aloud, making notes for changes as I did so. 

When I finished, I knew where to begin again.

Divided Loyalties

Photo Credit to Amber Walker

A few weeks ago I headed to town to meet a friend for the afternoon. I got to the end of my road and realized that I'd forgotten my phone. I sat behind the wheel staring at the stop sign, pondering whether or not to turn around. I was already late for our appointed meeting time but I hadn't been parted from my phone for nearly a year and a half, night and day. When I thought about leaving it behind something akin to panic stirred inside. That's when I knew what I had to do. I turned the corner and kept on driving. There were a few strange moments but I survived.

This afternoon I read a blog post that I can't move quickly past. Alicia describes her two month withdrawal from social media, including blogs and the effect it had on her life. There were some things I couldn't relate to such as the self-questioning aspect but then she had to mention the phone. Darn. 

I thought of the moments that stretch to an hour or so spent just checking Instagram and Facebook, then another hour reading my favorite blogs. I don't begrudge that time because I really enjoy these connections, but I wonder how much energy I am expending that God may be nudging me to redirect, if only for a time.

Take for instance this morning. I nearly always check my email and perhaps Instagram after my regular prayer, Bible and journaling time. Today I didn't. I'm not even sure why not. I had a tiny nap and then I opened my laptop and pulled up my book that I had begun writing and then abandoned. The reasons for this were varied. I took a course which consumed all my writing energy and when I returned to my book, the words seemed flat. Today I knew how they fit together. Something that Sue Monk Kidd said in one of her books about all her editing while she was writing the first few chapters of her book released me, and I began to edit and rewrite until I had six solid chapters. That felt good.

So when I read Alicia's post, I thought, "What if I take the month of March (already a week in) and fast social media?"

All the reasons why not answered me. I enjoy seeing what my girls post but they have hardly been posting lately. I like the book clubs and Bible study opportunities but I have a stack of books to read and a pattern for this month in my Bible. I might miss something. I've been more off and on blogging and my readers might bale, what few there are. And some of them are friends now.

Then I thought, what if I did do this? Would my thoughts turn to my book rather than inspiration for my next blog post? Would I dig out that material and begin my quilt? Would I write those letters I've been wanting to put the pen to for months? Real honest-to-goodness letters.

The jury is out, but they are definitely in deliberation. 

I hope I haven't lost you by my lengthiness. I must wind this up and perhaps even tweet it.

 :)

Old habits are hard to break.