Power of Questioning

I listened to the rain for hours last night, wondering if the ice was finally melting from our roof and would we lose power? My arms aching and the inability to sleep on my side kept me awake for the second night in a row. I've been in and out for weeks with this shoulder issue. These stretches of insomnia provide opportunities to listen to hours of podcasts, preaching and pondered prayers in my head. Last night I gave up and got up. 

 Asking ourselves questions may lead to a knowing we have need of.

Several questions have been on my heart this week, stemming from various sources. 

Why do I follow Jesus?

What do I want from Him?

What does He want from me?

Why do I follow Jesus?

In John 6,  Jesus gave the answer to this question to the crowd surrounding Him. 

You follow Me for what I can give you.  In so many words. 

They would fit right in with todays crowds. 

"Give me what I want."

Loud voices demanding attention fill our media and our heads, if we aren't careful.

Is that what I'm saying to Jesus these days? Is my loud cry for answers drowning out my heart? I hope not.

I follow Jesus because He is my Constant. Even on the days, I thought He'd abandoned me, some part of me knew it couldn't be true. He knows my heart, my loves and hates, my strengths and weaknesses; nevertheless, He remains constant. 

What do I want from Him?

I will write my answers to this question in my journal, perhaps a post for another day. While I do, maybe you should put pen to paper personally.

What does He want from me?

My answers look like:

everything, total surrender, faith.

But I love God's own answer from Micah 6:8 NLT

"This is what He requires of you: 

to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."

Now there's a passage to memorize and meditate in my wakeful hours.

I may be losing sleep but I am gaining something more precious.

My Word for 2017

I live on the words spoken from His mouth.

I listen for His voice and hear what God is speaking over my life. His words anchor me in the storms and hold hope for me through assaults of hopelessness.

My One Little Word for 2017 is YES. 

Last May I picked up this word when I realized I needed to say "yes" to myself more often. Heading into a new year, I became aware of my YES growing in a new direction. 

God wants me to hear His voice saying YES.

For years growing in my faith, I leaned on the side of NO. Surely God would say no to that!

Early this morning, I heard the word NOW.

Now God is saying yes. Maybe He always was but I couldn't hear.

My prayer for 2017 is that I will not only hear Holy Spirit as He whispers yes, but believe Him.

Wilderness Prayers

Sunshine on slips of green brought a smile to my face this morning. The weather has been frigid and dreary, but today a little warmth is breaking through. I steeped my tea and shook cinnamon on my toast before heading into my office/writing room/ sanctuary. 

Verses and prayers and writings draw my attention on papers I taped where my eyes would fall upon them, so I would remember. I read through a few, then turned my attention to my adoration verses. You can  find these over at Every Bitter Thing is Sweet .

I turned to Psalm 145 in the Passion Translation, reading aloud, looking for my scripture to land on and send a bit of praise heavenward. I found no landing place for each verse overwhelmed me with how incredibly loving and majestic God is! 

How much more there is to learn of this huge God I've been in relationship with for decades! 

As I pondered the Psalm, a few words from Isaiah 40 tugged at my heart so I reached for my tattered green NIV Bible and turned to a familiar passage. As I read the first 5 verses, the Spirit shone like the sunlight on my window planting. 

"Make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God."

"A voice of one calling in the desert prepare the way for the Lord."

Two days ago I wrote here on this blog about a season of walking through the wilderness, depending on the Lord to show me his pathway. I wrote this was not a time to decree and declare my way out, but to journey through.

Today the Lord asked me, "What do you see?"

I closed my eyes and waited. 

"I see a pathway but its blocked with huge boulders and other obstacles."

"Pray this scripture over those obstacles."

I opened my eyes to look at the scripture although I knew it by heart. It goes on to say...

"Every valley shall be made high and every mountain and hill made low, the rough ground shall become level and the rugged places a plain."

As I quietly began my prayer, all the rough places, physical problems, disappointments, challenges of the past few months along with worries for our future toppled from my lips with the verses of scripture.

I prayed a very different prayer from what it would have been even a few days prior, before Holy Spirit had time to brood over my heart and mind.

I closed with the final phrase in the beginning of verse 5.

"And the glory of the Lord will be revealed." 

My thoughts turn to 2 Corinthians 4 where I've landed several times in the past couple weeks.

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal weight of glory that far outweighs them all."

The verse above begins with "Therefore we do not lose heart."

Don't lose heart dear reader. He is the One who will never leave you no matter where your path takes you. And He is the One who knows how to move those mountains. I speak these words to myself, even as I pen them to you.

A Path Through the Wilderness

                                     "I will make a path through the wilderness." Isaiah 43:19

I created two small vision boards for this year.  I am living in the top left right hand corner, on a path in the wilderness. 

January 2017 has been a tough month for me so far. I continue to battle with shoulder pain and various other issues related to food allergies. Once I realized PT wasn't making a dent in my pain, I went to the OT I'd seen last year. She gave me a short list of things to implement including removing sugar from my diet, then sent me to an acupuncturist. The acupuncturist added to my list of helps including Dandelion tea which I had an allergic reaction to after only two days. In addition I was reading Kriss Carr's book on health and diet. Needless to say I went into a downward spiral and crashed. Nothing was working and I felt like a failure.

I called Kate, my go-to-girl for nutrition and health. 

She calmly told me to STOP! 

"Stop trying to fix yourself and nurture yourself. You know your body. Listen to it and listen to your spirit."

A weight lifted from my shoulders as I let her words penetrate the confusion surrounding me, Hope began to arise thrusting out the lies. I couldn't measure up to all the standards of the wonderful people around me. I need to find what works for me.

Oh how I want the Lord to simply heal me!

Yet I'm led to verses like the one in 2 Corinthians 4 that tells me my suffering here is producing inside of me an eternal weight of glory. I used to scoff at this verse being used as an excuse for unbelief but now I sense the weight of its truth.

Over and over I'm led back to Psalm 23. David begins by using the pronoun "He" when referring to God. The Lord is my shepherd. He leads me. He makes me. He restores me.

When David enters the shadowed valley, the pronoun changes to "You." His relationship shifts in the valley. His vision becomes more personal.

I sense the shift. I want to decree and confess my way to health and joy, but I hear the Spirit saying to follow Him. He is making a path through this wilderness, a path where glory is formed in me, one I can't see but only know by faith.

Today I drank my green juice and determined to do better. Then Hubby and I were out in the freezing cold and I suggested a hot drink. After a decaf hot coffee and donut, my head is dizzy and my stomach protesting. I  never get used to these restrictions, a;ways thinking this time will be different.

My intention in writing this post  was to share my word for the year and my goals but those aren't the words flowing from my fingers today. Perhaps someone else needs to know its okay to struggle, to fail to meet the strenuous standards we place on ourselves added to the weight of limitations already restricting our movements. 

I can put all the heat and ointments and oils on my shoulder for temporary relief but my range of motion never changes. Tomorrow the doctor will inject cortisone into the joint and hopefully unlock the tightness. 

I can stay on the treadmill of trying everything I know to get healthy or I can trust the path I'm walking is a path of love watched over by my all-knowing Shepherd. 

Psalm 23 closes with a promise of grace and mercy and goodness as my companions every single day I breathe on this earth. I turn away from  mountains overbearing my path and look to You, Lord to lead me through this valley. I know I won't remain here. I am making progress whether I feel it or not. 

Ramblings Between Old and New

I miss our Christmas tree with all her lights and memory-holding ornaments. I took it down this week anticipating a friend's visit but sickness changed her plans. 

As hard as I tried to keep Christmas simple, December still pulled me into its flurry. I fell behind in December reflections on Instagram and my reading came to a stand still. To give myself a bit of credit, a shoulder problem added Physical Therapy visits to my schedule three times a week. I gave up going to the gym due to sheer exhaustion from an aching shoulder interrupting sleep.

I managed to finish my baking, wrapping and packing on time. Terry and I traveled the 5 hours to our sons for Friday night and Christmas Eve day, back to Bangor for Christmas with our daughter and family, then home Christmas night. A lot of travel but totally worth it!

Winter began with a vengeance here in northern Maine. Our snowfall totals are above normal but the ice on the roof is causing problems. We have already had two leaks and Terry was up on the roof again today chipping away. 

The snow is falling steadily outside and my plan is to complete the final chapter for my book today. It's lunch time and I haven't gotten there yet but I promised myself I would write a blogpost first. 

So here I am rambling.

Later this week I want to share my one little word for 2017, my verse and perhaps a few goals.

Basically I'm reconnecting to social media today with a smile.