"I will make a path through the wilderness." Isaiah 43:19
I created two small vision boards for this year. I am living in the top left right hand corner, on a path in the wilderness.
January 2017 has been a tough month for me so far. I continue to battle with shoulder pain and various other issues related to food allergies. Once I realized PT wasn't making a dent in my pain, I went to the OT I'd seen last year. She gave me a short list of things to implement including removing sugar from my diet, then sent me to an acupuncturist. The acupuncturist added to my list of helps including Dandelion tea which I had an allergic reaction to after only two days. In addition I was reading Kriss Carr's book on health and diet. Needless to say I went into a downward spiral and crashed. Nothing was working and I felt like a failure.
I called Kate, my go-to-girl for nutrition and health.
She calmly told me to STOP!
"Stop trying to fix yourself and nurture yourself. You know your body. Listen to it and listen to your spirit."
A weight lifted from my shoulders as I let her words penetrate the confusion surrounding me, Hope began to arise thrusting out the lies. I couldn't measure up to all the standards of the wonderful people around me. I need to find what works for me.
Oh how I want the Lord to simply heal me!
Yet I'm led to verses like the one in 2 Corinthians 4 that tells me my suffering here is producing inside of me an eternal weight of glory. I used to scoff at this verse being used as an excuse for unbelief but now I sense the weight of its truth.
Over and over I'm led back to Psalm 23. David begins by using the pronoun "He" when referring to God. The Lord is my shepherd. He leads me. He makes me. He restores me.
When David enters the shadowed valley, the pronoun changes to "You." His relationship shifts in the valley. His vision becomes more personal.
I sense the shift. I want to decree and confess my way to health and joy, but I hear the Spirit saying to follow Him. He is making a path through this wilderness, a path where glory is formed in me, one I can't see but only know by faith.
Today I drank my green juice and determined to do better. Then Hubby and I were out in the freezing cold and I suggested a hot drink. After a decaf hot coffee and donut, my head is dizzy and my stomach protesting. I never get used to these restrictions, a;ways thinking this time will be different.
My intention in writing this post was to share my word for the year and my goals but those aren't the words flowing from my fingers today. Perhaps someone else needs to know its okay to struggle, to fail to meet the strenuous standards we place on ourselves added to the weight of limitations already restricting our movements.
I can put all the heat and ointments and oils on my shoulder for temporary relief but my range of motion never changes. Tomorrow the doctor will inject cortisone into the joint and hopefully unlock the tightness.
I can stay on the treadmill of trying everything I know to get healthy or I can trust the path I'm walking is a path of love watched over by my all-knowing Shepherd.
Psalm 23 closes with a promise of grace and mercy and goodness as my companions every single day I breathe on this earth. I turn away from mountains overbearing my path and look to You, Lord to lead me through this valley. I know I won't remain here. I am making progress whether I feel it or not.