Ending or Beginning?

The mattering part is never what isn't...

It isn't what dream has been cut down, 

what hope has been cut off

what part of the heart has been cut out.

The tender mattering part is-

you have a Tree.

~

Ann Voskamp

Another holiday ended in loss and disappointment. It was the first time my girls had both been home in months and months. I looked forward to scrabble games, movies, and art time together. A 3:00 a.m. wakeup sick stomach Thanksgiving morning put an end to all that. I struggled to get through the day and they left early the next morning.

I wrote in my journal - another ending in loss and disappointment. It seems every holiday I  battle sickness. 

I sat with my Bible open in my lap, my despair shadowing the written words. 

Unexpectedly a question dropped in my heart. 

What if this is not an ending but a beginning?

God has always used "what if" questions to get my attention. This thought had His fingerprints all over it.

I carried the question with me through the ending days of November, unfurling into December.

December - the ending of twelve months yet a time to cast forward toward a new year. 

Often we are so caught up in the stress and planning for Christmas that we barrel into January and quickly pen resolutions. 

What if we made space for beginning now?

How can I clear moments today for clarity tomorrow?

I move slowly into this first morning of December even though the day looms mountainous. Two appointments for me and taking my brother for his errands while battling a cold presses upon my weary body and soul.

Yet I hold a handful of hope.

Isaiah 11 focuses me forward. Winter lies ahead but spring will come. 

Hope gazes not on what ended but what begins.