Testing Intentions

                                       

One of my intentions for July is to find the gift each day offers to me. On my birthday that was easy. My  sweet granddaughter brought me a crate full of carefully chosen presents and a card that made me cry. My daughter arrived later in the day with a bag full of gifts perfectly suited to me. What a delight!

It wasn't so easy to follow this intention the next day. I got caught in the crossfire of a dog-and-cat fight and was the recipient of several puncture wounds on my toes from the cat. While sitting in the walk-in care, I pondered my intentions. Only six months previously, I was on crutches for a bruised heel, followed by a fierce cold, followed by surgery. In between these things I've tried to get to the gym to walk and my plan was to eventually run, preparing for a 5K in November. Two weeks ago, I got another cold and cough. And now I'm soaking my foot, taking an antibiotic and limping again. Once again I cancelled tomorrow's trip to the gym. 

I have to admit that I'm discouraged. In all of the other events, I managed to find the gift. This time I can't shake the shadow hovering over me. The day this all happened, I had fallen into the trap of complaining and that whole morning found me irritable and on edge. Somehow I felt I opened a door to this attack. When I think about grace, I know God doesn't bless me because I deserve it. But I can't seem to move out from under the feeling that I deserved this. 

Another intention this month is to identify patterns and rhythms of my life. This is a pattern of thinking and I need to find a way to turn this around. Usually I like to wait until I am on the other end of the trial so I can give you the good news. Tonight I am in the middle of the process and sharing the struggle. 

What are the practices that I can use to move through the fog of the voices in my head, accusing and condemning? Those things which were said to me in the past that carry shadows haunt me when I get into this space. 

It's critical to have good spiritual practices in place for times like these.

I'm going to get into my jammies, crawl into bed and put pen to journal. I'm going to look back over this past week of vacation and write a gratitude list. I will read the daily entry  in my new book from my daughter. I'm going to pull off the shelf a few of my go-to reads when I really need something. It's a start.

What are your go-to helps when discouragement hovers? Sharing with each other can be added to the list. I am certain things will look differently in the morning. There's another practice to add to the list - a good night's sleep. Sweet Dreams.

Listening to My Life

                                 

                                 

Tomorrow I will turn 62 years old. How is that possible? I don't feel 62 but I do feel different than last year. The past two years I have learned a lot about myself, not all of it pretty. I may have mentioned that before. Nevertheless, I am learning to accept all of me and with that acceptance, embracing the need to change. Letting go has become a daily practice in my life. I feel like I will never live long enough to become the woman I long to be.

The picture above was taken today, riding in my son's jeep with the doors and top off. Going up was exhilarating, smelling the pines, snapping photos of the scenery. Coming down was scary. I realized in that moment that I still cling to comfort zones, like a door.

                      

Speaking of doors, I happened to notice this one was open as we walked by. Everyone else seemed more interested in the next store or their destination. I, however, turned aside to snap a pic. A lavender door, open. For some reason, this door resonates with me today. 

One of my intentions for the month of July is to listen to my life. I'm listening. 

Here is my list for this month:

Let go and flow.

Receive the gifts each day holds for me.

Listen to my life. 

Identify patterns and rhythms.

Choose joy.

Be wholehearted, even in things that are necessary, perhaps not always of my choosing.

Lupine Love

I'd been driving by this little patch of Lupines for several days wanting to stop but it was on a corner and I wasn't sure where to park. Log trucks go by pretty fast on that narrow road and I would be out in the open taking pictures. There were several other spots where Lupines grew wildly, but the colors in this one caught my eye. They were unique. 

Today didn't begin that well. I woke to my ear bothering me from lingering congestion. My thoughts were mired in the past or at the least,  unfruitful paths. I tried sitting with my Bible and prayer. I took a shower. I went in the office and worked on billing until it was done. I read. The shadow lingered.

After lunch I told hubby I had to go for a ride and I needed ink, so we headed for Staples. Hubby decided to go along. I picked up my ink and was looking at pens (thinking a new pen might provide inspiration), when I heard a familiar voice. A friend I hadn't seen in some time came around the corner. After she filled me in on the latest in her life, she asked how I was. Somehow I couldn't gloss it over. 

"Today is not a good day for some reason,"I told her.

I shared a little bit.

She stepped toward me, placed her hands on my shoulders and began to pray. I wasn't embarrassed or wondering what people would think. Those days are behind me and besides, I needed this prayer. I left Staples lighter than when I'd come in.

We stopped at Dunkin Donuts for an ice coffee and headed home. 

"Now where was that place with the Lupines you mentioned?" Hubby asked. I had mentioned it in passing on the way to town. 

"Just up on that curve." I pointed. 

He pulled over and I hopped out of the car with my iPhone and my camera. After snapping several pictures, I crossed the road back to the car all smiles. 

"Thanks, honey."

So here are a few of the un-edited pics of Maine's Lupines from today. Photos can't do them justice.

Surgery, Siblings, and Sniffles

This is me tonight, in my jammies early, drinking a cup of echinacea tea and looking through my photos of the day. I'm lucky to blog once a week these days but I am enjoying my Instagram photo challenges.

I was sick all weekend coming down with this cold. Mom arrived at my house Monday morning promptly at 6:00 a.m. I took her to Outpatient surgery to have a cataract removed from her eye. She came home with me for yesterday and today.

I had been looking forward to having her but this whopper cold put a bit of a damper on things. I barely slept last night and whenI came downstairs at 7:30, Mom was waiting for me wondering when I was going to get up. Groan. I forced myself into the shower. We drove over to the Amish bakery which she loved but I was too tired to go to the gardening place.

After lunch we took a stroll over to the shop, where my sis-in-law, Judy, was waiting for her brother to return. I got a great picture of her.
Gotta love that iPhone.

Mom's doctor appointment wasn't until 4:00 so we drove to town and asked my brother to go for an ice cream.  He decided to ride along to the doctor.  There was a little pond across the street from the eye surgeon. Mom declared that she could go in by herself so Steve and I sat on the bench, watching a duck and a creepy moving reed (you had to be there:). For an hour we chatted and laughed. Those moments went in my nightly journal for my favorite of the day.

When did those two kids who used to play marbles in the back yard together grow so much older so quickly? Still young at heart. Not a bad day feeling as bad as I do. Silver Linings. Its been a while since I've thought about those.

Summer Evening in June

I love summer evenings. 

Tonight I am sitting on my bed with my laptop, catching up on my favorite blogs. Artful Blogging magazine is by my side. I am checking out a new blog "the Rosy Life." 

The book that I am currently reading is also on my pile. "The Perfume Collector" is a novel recommended by a friend who said I just had to read it. I am on page 276 and not completely sold. Normally by page 100, if I don't love it I quit, but since this friend was so adamant and I waited for it at the library, I am pressing through.

June has been a busy month for me so far, yet I am keeping up with the inCourage Book club and Liz Lamoreaux's Hand to Heart this month. Plus I am over on Instagram posting a photo a day for #100 Happy Days and #100 Days of Summer. 

I love taking photos again. For the first time in ages, I took my camera with me today and snapped a photo outside at Mom's of the beautiful blossoms. The tree was filled with bees enjoying the pink sweetness too!

Tonight I spent an hour playing with the Hipstamatic App on my iPhone.  My daughter loves it so I am determined to experiment with it.

My eyes are growing tired and I should have been asleep an hour ago because another early morning awaits me. But I love an evening like this one, nothing pressing in on me, quiet, and just plain fun. :)

Less than 3,000 days!

                                      

My birthday is next month. I will turn 62.  There are 2,945 days between this very day and my 70th birthday. Less than 3000 days! 

Does that seem like a lot to you? Im willing to bet that you are either half my age or living life intentionally.

My oldest granddaughter graduated this past weekend. Talk about surreal. I can remember when she was a toddler bouncing around with little curls and determination. Now she enters a new phase of her life.  

As do I.

I am reading "Pursue the Intentional Life" by Jean Fleming along with the (in)courage Bloom Book Club. Jean gave me the idea to count my days. She quotes Henry Melville on Psalm 90:12.

"They will not apply their hearts to wisdom until they are brought to the numbering of their days."

I've been brought to the numbering of my days this past year or two. I ask the question posed by Jean in her book, "How will I live the rest of my life?"

With hope and joy, I pray.

On graduation weekend, as hubby and I drove back to our camper, a double rainbow appeared in the clouds before us for at least 10 minutes, one of which was completely full. Rainbows have always symbolized hope and new beginnings for me. I am taking this as a sign for my life and my daughter and granddaughter.

"Draw me to attentiveness", Lord. My days are made up of moments. Let me live and breathe deeply of each one. As Jean so aptly put it, You are the God of my endings and beginnings. As you add and subtract from my life in preparation for the season I am entering, "grace me" with the ability to let go and receive accordingly. (quotations from Jean Fleming)

P.S. I do plan to live beyond seventy, just to clarify, and Lord willing :)

Lesson in the Wet Blankets

The morning began so well, my sacred-alone time filled with peace. Knowing I had several errands to run before noon, my plan was to leave the house by 10:00. Then my washer stuck on one cycle. We  closed my little apartment on the weekend and two quilts from there were being soaked again and again, but never spinning. Hubby came through the door about that time with a non-helpful comment ( not that any comment would have been helpful right at that point). My knee jerk reaction, as I was pressed for time, was to cancel my monthly massage appointment at noon.

"Why do I always have to give up my stuff?" I whined.

That was my story. 

But I didn't  believe it this time, not fully.

It was too late for errands, but I could still pick up graduation cards and head to Leslie's for my massage.

Let it go. 

June's mantra and one of this week's intention words.

I grabbed my car keys, marched past the basket of soggy quilts and drove to town.

My massage was the best I'd had in months. Tension began to leave my back and shoulders.

When I returned home, the wet blankets were right where I'd left them.  I drained the little hose on my washer and said a prayer. Don't laugh! 

I threw in a pair of hubby's work clothes for a test run. 

The washer worked perfectly.

The story I was telling myself was pure fiction. I didn't even realize that it was a story until putting pen to paper.

Let it Go is the theme for Liz Lamoreux's "Hand to Heart" this month. You might like to check it out.