What I learned in February

                         

~ Discouragement is no respecter of persons.

February was a tough month. A packed schedule with doctor appointments, traveling, obligations, and office work combined with a recurring bout of acid reflux and friends in crisis pressed down upon me like a dark cloud.

~ I hate traveling. 

Okay, I already knew this but it never changes. Perhaps if it were for fun or rest I might enjoy the journey more. Three weekends of "must" travel wore hubby and I to a frazzle.

~ God gives light in dark places.

In the midst of everything, three days with Lily and laughter and life brought a short respite.

~ I must give myself permission to rest.

Over and over the theme of rest kept resounding this month. I am taking time to lay down with a book or spend a few extra minutes in bed in the morning or simply say no to others and yes to me.

~ Hope can be as simple as two little words - begin again.

Don't give up. 

~ Sometimes waiting, when I want desperately to solve a problem, is prayer.

I battled several nights with the temptation to try to fix a relationship. Everything in me screamed to do something! The still small voice reminded me that God was at work. My work was to wait.

~ God is in control.

This one is an ongoing lesson. Once again I am reminded how easily my heart rebels against my circumstances. I struggle to escape these rugged places. In acceptance lies peace. 

Morning Smiles

                My little visitor wakes up to her first morning of vacation week at Mammy's house !

Frosty Joy

    Trying out my new camera (while riding in the car) brought joy in the midst of a challenging week.

God Directs Our Steps

      

                           

I began my week in the emergency room with hubby. I had the presence of mind pre-dawn to grab my water, book and a banana. Mondays are one of my favorite mornings. I usually meet with my trainer to set the tone of my week by stretching and opening up my body. I leave her and head to the grocery store, where I choose healthy foods. I miss my routine when it changes. Security inhabits ritual for me.

Life changes daily, sometimes moment by moment. 

On this quiet Tuesday morning, hubby is sleeping and I am sitting by the window watching it snow, reading the Psalms, my go-to book most days. I ponder one verse I read last week from Psalm 62.

                                    "Let all that I am wait quietly before God."

   

Sunday Soup, Stitches and Spies

Hubby is under the weather today so I spent the morning making his new favorite chicken soup and brownies (breaking my clean eating fast with a bit of sugar.)

This afternoon we watched the Republican debate from last night. I must say the governors were impressive. I appreciate their service. 

Now we are moving slowly through Bridge of Spies while I knit a scarf for my younger granddaughter. 

Missing church again but enjoying Psalm 46:10. "Be still and know that I am God."

Getting Started Again

                         

                 My sewing machine and I are getting reacquainted. Good Saturday project. 

Support Systems Go

                             

I appreciate my support systems, all the more so as life changes around me. 

Twice a week I pay a trainer to guide me in exericise and nutrition.We have shifted into yoga stretches which are perfect for my body right now. What began as a necessity for a shoulder issue has developed into a precious friendship over the years. 

On the creative side, Jamie Ridler continues to inspire me. Today she hosted an hour online forum about journaling practices. Journaling is a mainstay in my life. The workshop was a great reminder of why I keep the practice in my morning routine. I write in a simple black journal with lines every day. I love my visual journal as well, yet it is more of a monthly practice right now.

Spiritually, Beth Moore has always been an inspiration as well as BVOV network, but lately I've returned to a quieter simple Bible reading and devotional.

Emotionally I have a couple of go-to friends who live long distance. One phone call has the power to brighten my day.

On Day 4, I continue to eat healthy and return to gratitude.

Snow Day

                                

                                     Day 3- snow falling, visual journal, a bit of knitting.

On Hold

                        

Music blares from my phone on speaker as I wait on hold for the insurance company to straighten out this mess. This is Day 2 in my 21 days and only the second day we have had medical insurance after two decades without it. I've been on hold nearly 30 minutes.

On hold.

I can't tell you the years I've spent much of my life on hold, waiting to fell better, to be healed. Fighting with faith, dropping my hope and picking it up once again, over and over. Fighting with food. Should I eat this or that?

Today I received an email from a sister blogger, describing a litany of physical symptoms she and her family had experienced because of hidden mold in the house. She handed me a profound sense of validation through her words. I feel like my family dismisses my various complaints after years of chronic illness and I don't blame them. How could I explain how bad I felt physically most days? 

Thus I spent countless years adjusting my diet always hoping for a breakthrough, but deep inside sensing my problems stemmed from something more. Food sensitivities and allergies were merely a piece in the puzzle.

Where do I go from here? 

I don't have the answers today but I have permission to acknowledge the struggles I'm experiencing and rest without guilt.

   

It's Only 21 Days!

                  

(organic pea sprouts, grilled chicken (hormone free), mushrooms, apples, avocado and a tiny bit of raspberry walnut dressing)

I pulled the covers over my head, knowing I would never go back to sleep. 

February first.

The month of February loomed like a mountain in front of me, my new-year-momentum drained by a cold and reoccurring bout of acid reflux. My mind swirled with the thoughts of my busy week ahead.

Then I remembered a blog I read the day before - 21 days of eating clean.

21 days.

Somehow 21 days seemed more doable than a whole month.

21 days of eating clean. No sugar, processed foods, etc. I could do that.

I opened my email to read my daily devotional from if:equip. Just above was an email from the You Bible - 21 day devotional plan.

Okay I can do that. I have my own devotional style and rhythm but it would be good to try something new.

21 days. 

Let's see if I can blog for 21 days :)