Tuesday, February 2, 2016

On Hold


Music blares from my phone on speaker as I wait on hold for the insurance company to straighten out this mess. This is Day 2 in my 21 days and only the second day we have had medical insurance after two decades without it. I've been on hold nearly 30 minutes.

On hold.

I can't tell you the years I've spent much of my life on hold, waiting to fell better, to be healed. Fighting with faith, dropping my hope and picking it up once again, over and over. Fighting with food. Should I eat this or that?

Today I received an email from a sister blogger, describing a litany of physical symptoms she and her family had experienced because of hidden mold in the house. She handed me a profound sense of validation through her words. I feel like my family dismisses my various complaints after years of chronic illness and I don't blame them. How could I explain how bad I felt physically most days? 

Thus I spent countless years adjusting my diet always hoping for a breakthrough, but deep inside sensing my problems stemmed from something more. Food sensitivities and allergies were merely a piece in the puzzle.

Where do I go from here? 

I don't have the answers today but I have permission to acknowledge the struggles I'm experiencing and rest without guilt.

1 comment:

  1. Dealing with chronic pain is so hard and so sad. My sister deals with this and you look at her and she looks fine yet inside she is in so much pain. She feels the same as you that her situation is dismissed because to the eye she looks like nothing is wrong. I hope you will be able to find the rest of the pieces of the puzzle so you can get some relief. Hugs


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