Thursday, June 11, 2015

The Woman I Am, According to God

The knitting pattern may as well been written in Greek. I couldn't see how to move into the next step of narrowing the heel. You Tube holds all the latest how-to methods but my pattern belonged to my best friend's grandmother and I could find nothing even close to it.

I'm a visual person. Show me how, let me try it and we're off to to success.  My friend, Pam, who lives hours away, attempted to describe the process via phone but I simply couldn't see it!

Several years ago, I attended a Women's Conference where the speaker made an unusual statement to me. She said when she looked at me, she saw faith all over me, which had never happened to her before. I mumbled a reply, but quickly dismissed her words, which sounded foreign to my ears. She must have the wrong woman.

My spirit, however, didn't banish her words so easily. God spoke to my heart one day and told me He wanted me to begin to see myself differently. 

"I want you to start saying these words."

I am a woman of faith, standing on victory ground, with weapons of righteousness in my right hand and my left, covered in the Blood of Jesus.

His words resounded inside of me with clarity but it's what He impressed upon me next that left me reeling.

And I want you to see it when you say it.

For a solid year, every day I closed my eyes and spoke the words, picturing myself as Jesus instructed.

Over time an amazing thing occurred. I started to believe the words I spoke and the inner image of myself changed little by little.

In years to come, when storms raged over my life and devastated my faith, the image kept its grasp on me. When all I could see was the fragility of my faith, God saw a totally different picture and He held me fast.

Hebrews 11:1 states that our "faith is the evidence of things unseen." By faith the men of old established a testimony. 

Bible faith looked like strength to me. I thought if I had Bible faith, I would sail through storms on the wings of peace. Instead my experience took me deeper into weakness, contradicting my human definitions of what it looked like to be a woman of faith.

I recalled one of  Beth Moore's teachings. 

In the kingdom of God, the way up is down.

As my weakness grew more evident, what I couldn't see were the roots growing deep into my relationship with a powerful, loving God. What I didn't understand is sometimes faith means not giving up, when everything in me is screaming for release. When I couldn't see God, He never lost sight of me.

What I couldn't see was the inner process,  God molding me into a woman of faith - His way.

When I couldn't make sense of the pattern, I learned to trust Christ himself, the designer and originator of my faith. He established His testimony in my life. 

 Daily surrender to His vision was building my faith.

What I couldn't see, He could.


  1. This is a beautiful post, Paula, and you are a beautiful woman.


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