"I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks for early light..."
I was excited to place my pen on the first page of a brand new journal this morning! The old me would have waited until April 1, somehow stretched out the previous one to make it work. Over the past year, I have made serious progress moving away from the need for perfectionism including perfect endings and beginnings.
As I wrote, I included the quote by Ann from "One Thousand Gifts." I am on my fourth reading of her book, this time reading it in small increments aloud. I began to thank God for the sunlight pouring in my kitchen window, giving the appearance of warmth although if I stuck my head out the door that myth would quickly disappear :)
I prayed for my granddaughter who has a lot on her plate right now.
"Give me an undivided heart to praise you."
I knew my heart-prayer was mixed with worry, so I began to thank God for all the times He has taken care of her in the past.
"The other side of prayer." That's what Ann calls thanksgiving. I must be intentional in moving to the other side, Intentional in the giving of thanks.
Slowly I had a prompting to move away from my normal morning routine and dig out my visual journal. I hadn't touched it for five months.
Placing it before me on the table, I turned to the first blank page. I reached for the magazines stored in the box where I keep my journal. I knew my heart was calling for me to turn off my brain and pull, tear and glue pictures. So I did. Eight pages and two hours later, I was astounded at what lie before me. I wish I had glued my images on a new dream board.
An idea entered my head. I went to the copier with my journal and copied the color pages. I pulled out a piece of poster board and lay them side by side for another morning.
Something was taking place inside of me as I worked on these pages, unfolding, falling away, taking shape.
A word surfaced:
What does that even mean? I read an article about New York City repurposing an old train track platform into a park where people can jog or walk and enjoy the area.
Over the past year and a half my life shifted, in a good way, although through difficult circumstances.
There was an emptying.
Re-purpose = to give a new purpose or use, to change something so that it can be used for a different purpose
Merriam - Webster
Ann says that "something always comes to fill the empty places." I want to begin on the other side of prayer, counting those "grace moments" with gratitude.
How do I do the rest? The re-purposing? Brene' Brown says to DARE TO NOT KNOW.
When I don't know, its okay to rest and live with the questions.
The point is to LIVE.